I know you’re used to making yourself at home wherever you go. I know that every place feels just like every other, and there’s a certain roughness that gets lost when that happens. “Wow, another medium article, this one has the wojak man writing.” Why turn on your brain, why engage, why twitch your way out of the dopamine induced coma digital media has you in? There’s a fundamental tactile nature to our lives that disappears when the 7/11 on 6th is the same as the 7/11 on 10th, but we’ve all been over this before, haven’t we? I know you’re used to flipping through your media folder, finding the right image to ingratiate you to a new audience. That isn’t the game here. We’re trying to be polite.
- If you’re a “feeler,” a “seer,” if you’ve ever looked into what a “starchild” is, please stop reading this. As part of the little deal we have going, you have to trust me. The internet is not good for you. It’s a little poison pill that you take, and for most people, it makes you into a pack animal. Tired, scared, focused only on the next few steps in front of you. In my experience, interacting with empathetic people online is extremely difficult to do politely. So don’t make me think more than I have to. That’s rude.
- My Brain has Crystallized. I don’t want to “learn Medium.” I don’t want to adjust my brain to a new container. Fuck off Bruce Asian Lee Action Kung Fu Man, I will not be like water. I’m a stupid Rock. Can you subscribe to this? Can you pay money to a little box somewhere? Don’t you fucking dare do that. You do that and I write a little piece for you, for the sickness you have, for the little demon that dances in your grey matter telling you that the digital people are real. The point is, if you come here with a nice little “take,” a little “bit,” some little “language bit” where you dance and you expect some sort of little “+1,” like “oh look at him go, what a clever boy,” then I’m going to block you. I will not grow to fit you.
- Let God Into Your Heart. Right now. Stand up from the little Satan screen. Breathe in. Fill your lungs like a balloon, to the top. Breathe out slowly. Do a little praying. It’s called we do a little bit of prayer. Matthew 7:24–25. You’re a rock.